What Exactly Is Marriage??
"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" -Eric, AGE 6
"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." -Anita, AGE 9
How Does a Person Decide Whom to marry??
"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." -Kelly, AGE 9
"My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's what I'll do....I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -Carolyn, AGE 8
Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married.
"Eighty-four Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." -Carolyn, AGE 8
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife" -Bert, AGE 5
How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet??
"They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down...It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values." -Lottie, AGE 9
"My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind." -Jeremy, AGE 8
What Do Most People Do on a Date??
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -Martin, AGE 10
"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." -Craig, AGE 9
When Is It Okay to Kiss Someone??
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." -Allan, AGE 10
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you....If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." -Kally, AGE 9
The Great Debate: Is It Better to Be Single or Married??
"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan" -Kirsten, AGE 10
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them" -Anita, AGE 9
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -Will, AGE 7
Source: www.jokedose.com
Saturday 12 July 2008
Monday 2 June 2008
[Fwd] 5 minutes Management Course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.
Saturday 31 May 2008
[Fwd] Best Reasons to Allow Drinking on the Job
- It's an incentive to show up.
- It reduces stress.
- It leads to more honest communications.
- It reduces complaints about low pay.
- It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
- Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
- It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
- It encourages carpooling.
- Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care.
- It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
- It makes fellow employees look better.
- It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
- Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they have had a couple of drinks.
- Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
Friday 30 May 2008
My letter to NEC
Dear All,
Finally, today is my turn to write this e-mail.
I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude to all you before I leave.
NEC is my first job, I do enjoy my working life here because of I have good superiors & many best friends here.
Honestly, I like NEC’s environment, managers, colleagues, friends, jobs & etc. Except the 'Not Enough Cash'… :p Haha
To My Superiors ….
Tee-san --> Thank you for take me in to the NEC and your guidance.
Lim-san --> You are my idol, you guide me, support me and listen to the voices of engineers.
Arman-san --> You are the Mr Nice Guy, I really learned a lots from you…
You never scold me when I am wrong.. Thank you very much !!
Yuharmee-san --> I'm leaving NEC when I'm your subordinates, sorry...
Mori-san --> Thanks for saying 'Thank you!' to us, I do appreciate boss like this.
To My Section members ....
Lim CT-san --> You are the best employee in NEC, keep it up! And billion Thanks to you.
Chua-san & Jabbar-san --> Wish you guys good luck in Sampah Making (Oops! Typo error)
To My Department members...
Special thanks to assembly members and Helmi, not forgetting clerks who always supporting us.
To QCD
Hopefully NEC never ever means 'Never Ending Complaint/ Claim'.
To My Lunch members ...
Most of the time the food in cafe is tasteless, yet I will miss the moment....
Thanks for those who shared jokes, Nonsense, 18SX Experiences ...
especially 'how to get twins?' and 'how to get a baby boy?'.... I won’t forget
To HRD...
Thanks for everything.
I hope that besides Japanese class, English classes will be conducted, cos' if a Malaysian pronounce report as 'lepot', resin as 'lezing', running as 'lanning'. radio as 'lelio', six as 'sex' and so on...It doesn't sound so nice right?
To those who know me ...
I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who have helped and guided me all along these years.
Do keep in touch!
Wishing you all the best in whatever that you do, and be happy always!
Thank you & Best regards,
Kelly Yee
Tel : +60-16-2221611
E-mail : fish.kelly@gmail.com
Blog : http://www.funkylicious-voyage.blogspot.com/
*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
“Save Paper - Think before you Print!”
Finally, today is my turn to write this e-mail.
I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude to all you before I leave.
NEC is my first job, I do enjoy my working life here because of I have good superiors & many best friends here.
Honestly, I like NEC’s environment, managers, colleagues, friends, jobs & etc. Except the 'Not Enough Cash'… :p Haha
To My Superiors ….
Tee-san --> Thank you for take me in to the NEC and your guidance.
Lim-san --> You are my idol, you guide me, support me and listen to the voices of engineers.
Arman-san --> You are the Mr Nice Guy, I really learned a lots from you…
You never scold me when I am wrong.. Thank you very much !!
Yuharmee-san --> I'm leaving NEC when I'm your subordinates, sorry...
Mori-san --> Thanks for saying 'Thank you!' to us, I do appreciate boss like this.
To My Section members ....
Lim CT-san --> You are the best employee in NEC, keep it up! And billion Thanks to you.
Chua-san & Jabbar-san --> Wish you guys good luck in Sampah Making (Oops! Typo error)
To My Department members...
Special thanks to assembly members and Helmi, not forgetting clerks who always supporting us.
To QCD
Hopefully NEC never ever means 'Never Ending Complaint/ Claim'.
To My Lunch members ...
Most of the time the food in cafe is tasteless, yet I will miss the moment....
Thanks for those who shared jokes, Nonsense, 18SX Experiences ...
especially 'how to get twins?' and 'how to get a baby boy?'.... I won’t forget
To HRD...
Thanks for everything.
I hope that besides Japanese class, English classes will be conducted, cos' if a Malaysian pronounce report as 'lepot', resin as 'lezing', running as 'lanning'. radio as 'lelio', six as 'sex' and so on...It doesn't sound so nice right?
To those who know me ...
I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who have helped and guided me all along these years.
Do keep in touch!
Wishing you all the best in whatever that you do, and be happy always!
Thank you & Best regards,
Kelly Yee
Tel : +60-16-2221611
E-mail : fish.kelly@gmail.com
Blog : http://www.funkylicious-voyage.blogspot.com/
*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
“Save Paper - Think before you Print!”
Turning point of my life
Life gonna be different after today. Hope that I have made a right decision and this will be my chance to do things for myself and my future.
It ain't gonna be easy but.... like this saying : -
A PERSON WHO TAKE RISK AND FAIL CAN BE FORGIVEN
BUT A PERSON WHO DON'T TAKE RISK AND NEVER FAIL ARE A FAILURE OF THE WHOLE BEING.
It ain't gonna be easy but.... like this saying : -
A PERSON WHO TAKE RISK AND FAIL CAN BE FORGIVEN
BUT A PERSON WHO DON'T TAKE RISK AND NEVER FAIL ARE A FAILURE OF THE WHOLE BEING.
Sunday 25 May 2008
Mind our language!
There are many ways to describe STUPID, so just say the word elegantly!
brainless
· adj. stupid; foolish.
– DERIVATIVES brainlessly adv. brainlessness n.
dense
· adj. informal (of a person) stupid.
– DERIVATIVES densely adv. denseness n. densification n. densify v.
dim
· adj. (dimmer, dimmest)
informal stupid or slow to understand.
dimwit
· n. informal a stupid or silly person.
– DERIVATIVES dim-witted adj. dim-wittedly adv. dim-wittedness n.
obtuse
· adj. annoyingly insensitive or slow to understand.
thick
· adj. informal of low intelligence; stupid.
– PHRASES (as) thick as two (short) planks (or as a plank) Brit. informal very stupid..
– DERIVATIVES thickish adj. thickly adv.
Source: Oxford Dictionary
brainless
· adj. stupid; foolish.
– DERIVATIVES brainlessly adv. brainlessness n.
dense
· adj. informal (of a person) stupid.
– DERIVATIVES densely adv. denseness n. densification n. densify v.
dim
· adj. (dimmer, dimmest)
informal stupid or slow to understand.
dimwit
· n. informal a stupid or silly person.
– DERIVATIVES dim-witted adj. dim-wittedly adv. dim-wittedness n.
obtuse
· adj. annoyingly insensitive or slow to understand.
thick
· adj. informal of low intelligence; stupid.
– PHRASES (as) thick as two (short) planks (or as a plank) Brit. informal very stupid..
– DERIVATIVES thickish adj. thickly adv.
Source: Oxford Dictionary
The NEW 10 Commandments
Let's encourage each other to talk about our feelings, and let's try to see each other in different light without all our preconceptions.
Let's care about each other the ways we used to.
Let's try harder.
Let's respect each other's opinions and ask each other questions, just like we would with a friend.
Let's be more thoughtful.
Let's pretend we're dating again, and let's just fall in love all over again.
Let's not assume we know what the other one will think and say and do.
Let's think before we just react.
Let's not let our affection for grow stale and sink us into boring routines.
Let's treat each other like sweethearts, and let's just fall in love again.
Donna Fargo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
